Stress Management Programme
Session 2: Exercise 3:
Change your thinking
Job stress occurs because your thoughts trigger a painful emotional reaction. There are three types of generic thoughts that you may have at work:
Thought 1 makes you anxious, thought 2 triggers anger and thought 3 generates depression.
But, you can do something about these thoughts and the job stress they create.
Right now, take a piece of paper and list the things you tell yourself about your job that fit in to each of the above three categories
Here's how you can cope with these stress-producing thoughts:
Make a realistic appraisal of what exactly will happen if the task isn't on time, flawless, or totally pleasing to your boss/client. A realistic appraisal means looking at exactly what has happened to yourself and others in the past, when similar tasks were late, had errors, and so on. Realistic also means being specific; it's time to get rid of that vague sense of doom. Exactly what is your boss/client likely to say to you? What, if anything, is likely to happen to you?
Coping with thoughts from Category 1
Mentally repeat this coping statement each time you catch yourself catastrophizing about vague and dire consequences.
If you have no idea how your boss/colleague/client would respond, ask them: "If I am a day late with X, will that be a problem?"
Coping with thoughts from Category 2
There is absolutely no good that can come from blaming anybody for your job stress. Blaming maintains your sense of being stuck and helpless. You see yourself as a victim who has no alternatives and has lost the power of choice. Blaming triggers anger and stress hormones such as adrenaline that deplete your energy, and, in the long term, damage your health. No one is supposed to take care of you or protect you in this job. They are all busy taking care of and protecting themselves. This is natural; this is the inescapable fact of working life. So what can you say to yourself to avoid chronic blaming and anger?
The first thing you can do is ask yourself this question:
"What steps can I take to change the conditions I don't like?"
If you can't think of any way to change these conditions, you have two rational choices: you must either adapt to, and accept these conditions, or look for another job.
If you decide to accept the current situation, the second coping statement you can make is:
"X is acting exactly as he should. The conditions necessary for him to act this way (his needs and coping strategies, his fears, his past successes and failures, and his attitude towards our relationship) all exist, and this is why he did X to me."
Coping with thoughts from Category 3
You are not trapped. You may have difficult duties and choices, but you aren't trapped. Right now, the pain of the job seems less than the pain of other available choices. Is this really true? Here's a chance to list your options for change.
Typically, this involves getting additional information so that you feel more confident you can cope with the challenge involved in making a change. For example, if you think that the risk in changing jobs is that you are too old, you could set a goal for yourself to ask someone your age, in the type of position you want, if age really makes a difference. If you believe that you will risk blowing an interview for a new position in your present organisation, your goal could be to take an interview class.
If you are not ready to do what is necessary to change, rather than saying "I'm trapped", the more accurate thing to say to yourself is:
"I chose to stay with the current conditions on this job, because right now it seems less painful than X (the steps to change). I may choose differently in the future".
Practice these coping statements over the next few weeks, as they should help you deal more effectively with feelings of stress and anxiety. Click on the button below to continue to the final Exercise in Session 2.